I Suck at Follow Through

So, it's been close to a year since I have been on here. I wish I would have kept up with this better. But, I didn't. I really am going to try this again. It is helpful for me to write.. even if it is just for me.

So, a brief update of what has been going on? Maybe; but first I have to explain something I am feeling...

I am currently sitting in the backyard at our patio table feeling the cool wind on my face and blowing my hair around. I am in heaven. So many thoughts of how my life got to where I am and the true happiness of it all. I am truly happy. It's not something I have experienced a whole lot. I am usually too stressed out, or busy... but in this very moment, even though I haven't touched my homework and I know I should be doing that instead of this, I am happy. Content. Relaxed (another word I don't experience often). I can hear the sprinklers on the golf course, the crickets chirping and Bella rustling around in the bushes. There are faint sounds of the cars going by in the distance.. but for me the solitude that I am feeling right now is all that matters. I could be in a house in the country with no neighbors for miles and would feel the same way I do right now. It's amazing.

Growing up in a house of 5 is noisy. If you have ever met my family you would know that we are all loud. Silence is something that is treasured for me. I don't experience it unless I am sleeping. Being alone is a foreign concept. When I am not at work I have Monster. To feel this... this comfort with just the sounds of the crickets and my neighbor's flag flapping in the wind is blissful. I know a lot of people who take moments like this for granted. Maybe to you I sound like I am going on and on about something that is petty. For me, it's a rare moment. I want to relish in it. I want to bottle it up so I can open that jar on days where there is nothing but chaos and the hope of peeing uninterrupted. I'm not complaining by any means. If I didn't have those crazy days I would be bored. I would create chaos. It's having that chaos that makes you appreciate the rarity of the tranquil. Soaking in a tub while reading a book, laying in bed in pitch black nothingness, enjoying the breeze on the patio... these are the things that remind you why being alive is so amazing. These stolen moments of pure happiness are what makes each day so blessed. I may complain a lot.. some might even say I tend to be more negative than positive. Tonight under the twinkling stars in this beautiful state that I call my home, I see nothing but good in the future.