A New Current

Stagnant: (of a body of water or the atmosphere of a confined space) having no current or flow and often having an unpleasant smell as a consequence

My life is stagnant. I feel like I am going nowhere - maybe I should say I felt like I was going nowhere. Every day was the same. My surroundings were the same.

I have lived in Arizona my whole life. Cactus, dirt, Palo Verde trees, palm trees (which are not native to Arizona, but can endure the blazing sun enough to survive). I have always dreamed of experiencing life somewhere else. I have never really travelled anywhere else to visit even (CA, NV, TX & MN). I've never been to the east coast. I don't even know what life is like outside the desert.

I'm about to find out.

There is a river that is going to start flowing into this stagnant lake. The life will be revived, the fish have new places to explore. It is exciting.

This doesn't come without consequence though. The other fish in this lake are not excited about the change. You see, fish simply do not leave this school. They are born here, stay here, and die here. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that - for them. For this particular fish, I want to spread my fins and explore.

Okay, enough with the analogies.

I know I have always been different. I'm not like my family. I'm more creative, open minded, curious, maybe even a tad more rebellious. I like to do things that are out of the norm. I like to experience life, not just float idly by. This change in the never changing lives of theirs is rocking things like never before. I moved away once before - mind you it was still in the state and only 230mi away, not 1232. Like I said - I have always been curious.

I just don't see myself staying here. I feel like in order to truly be whomever I am meant to be I need to leave. How will I ever know my true potential if I don't make changes and pursue other things? Maybe this is selfish. Then so be it. I am usually not selfish. I change my life to accommodate others. I can't this time. The "what if" will not be "what if I lived somewhere else".

People grow, they change, they move away, and sometimes they come back. I'm not sure what I will find in TX, or where life will take me after this - I do know that this what I am supposed to be doing.

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